Managing Emotions

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Wellness visionary & inspirational speaker, author of Let Your Fears Make You Fierce, & Founder of The Get Loved Up Community. My core mission is to promote daily self-care, oneness & eco-friendly living.

Hi, I'm Koya

Emotions are an integral part of the human experience. They color our perceptions, influence our decisions, and shape our interactions with the world. In essence, emotions are the driving force behind much of what we do and how we respond to various situations. Understanding and effectively managing these emotions is crucial for personal and professional success. This is where emotional intelligence comes into play. Emotional intelligence, often referred to as EQ (Emotional Quotient), is the ability to recognize, understand, manage, and use emotions in a constructive way. In this blog, we will explore the importance of managing your emotions and understanding emotional intelligence. We will also dive into the impacts of unbalanced and unregulated emotions and provide valuable resources to help you improve your emotional intelligence.

As we move into the holiday season, a lot of people experience different emotions and feelings and for some this time of year can be triggering due to many factors: upbringing, family/friend connections or lack thereof, and the societal pressures during this time. I want you to know that all of your emotions and feelings are valid, no matter how you may feel. 

Speaking of feelings, did you know there is a difference between emotions and feelings? It is important to decipher between the two to help understand how to navigate what you may experience not only during the holiday season but in everyday life. 

Emotions and feelings are related but distinct psychological experiences, often used interchangeably in everyday language. However, they refer to different aspects of our emotional experiences. 


Here’s a breakdown of the differences between emotions and feelings:


Biological and Instinctual: Emotions are primarily biological and instinctual responses to external and internal stimuli. They are hardwired in our brains and have evolved over time to help us respond quickly to various situations.


Universal: Many emotions are universal, meaning they are recognized and experienced similarly across different cultures. Examples of universal emotions include happiness, sadness, anger, fear, and disgust.


Physiological Responses: Emotions are often accompanied by specific physiological responses. For example, when you feel fear, your heart rate may increase, and your body may prepare for the “fight, flight, freeze, or fawn” response.

  • Fight: Facing any perceived threat aggressively.
  • Flight: running away from danger.
  • Freeze: unable to move or act against a threat.
  • Fawn: immediately acting to try to please to avoid any conflict.


Brief and Intense: Emotions are typically brief and intense experiences. They arise quickly in response to a specific stimulus and can fade relatively quickly once the stimulus is removed or the situation changes. For example, if you are triggered by something in any way.


Less Conscious: Emotions are often less conscious and can occur without much deliberate thought. They are more automatic and immediate reactions to stimuli. An example of this would be if you encounter a bear in the woods, your immediate emotion might be fear, triggering a rapid physiological response and preparing you to react to the threat by running or ‘’taking flight’’.



Subjective: Feelings are the conscious, subjective experiences that arise in response to emotions. They involve the mental interpretation and awareness of the emotional response. In other words, feelings are how we consciously experience our emotions.


Varied and Complex: Feelings can be more varied and complex than our basic emotions. They can include nuances and subtleties in how we interpret and label our emotional experiences.


Cultural and Personal: While some of our basic emotions are universal, feelings can be influenced by cultural norms, personal experiences, and individual differences. What one person feels in a specific emotional situation may differ from another person’s feelings in the same situation. This could look like a preference for roller coasters. One person may be adventurous and feel excited about the thrill of riding a roller coaster, while another may feel more frightened and afraid of heights, speed, etc.


Longer-lasting: Feelings can last longer than the initial emotional response. For example, if you experience fear during a near-accident while driving, the feeling of unease or anxiety may persist while you’re driving or being driven even after the immediate danger has passed. 


More Reflective: Feelings often involve reflection and cognitive processing. They can be influenced by your thoughts, beliefs, memories, and interpretations of events. An example of how feelings may be more reflective would be if you feel anxious after narrowly avoiding a car accident, your anxiety is a feeling that arises from the initial emotion of fear, but it may persist as you reflect on the experience and its potential consequences.


In essence, emotions are the automatic, instinctual reactions we have to various stimuli, while feelings are the conscious, subjective experiences and interpretations of those emotional reactions. Emotions serve as the raw data, and feelings involve our conscious processing and understanding of that data. Both emotions and feelings play crucial roles in our psychological and social experiences.


The Importance of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is often credited as being a more critical factor for success in life than traditional intelligence, or IQ. 

Why is that the case? 

Let’s outline the significance of emotional intelligence:


Improved Self-Awareness: One of the fundamental aspects of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. This means understanding your own emotions, their triggers, and their impact on your thoughts and actions. When you have a clear grasp of your emotions, you are better equipped to manage them effectively as they arise.


Enhanced Interpersonal Relationships: Emotional intelligence is closely linked to better interpersonal relationships. By understanding your own emotions, you become more attuned to the emotions of others. This enables you to relate to people more in an empathetic manner, communicate effectively, and build stronger connections.


Effective Conflict Resolution: Conflicts are a natural part of life, both in personal and professional settings, that you cannot avoid. Having high emotional intelligence allows you to handle conflicts more constructively and less personally. You can remain calm, listen actively, and find mutually beneficial solutions.


Stress Management: Emotions play a significant role in stress levels. People with high emotional intelligence are better at managing stress because they can identify stressors, develop and regulate coping strategies, and maintain emotional balance even in challenging situations.


Enhanced Leadership: Emotional intelligence is a beneficial trait for effective leadership, business owners, and those who have platforms. Leaders who understand and manage their emotions can inspire and motivate their teams and those who support them. They can also more effectively handle the emotional dynamics within their organizations.

Increased Empathy: Empathy is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence. It involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others. Being empathetic can improve your ability to connect with people on a deeper level and respond to their needs more effectively. It is helpful to note there is a powerful difference between empathy and sympathy. 


  • Sympathy: Sympathy is feeling sorry or compassionate toward someone who is experiencing hardship or suffering. It involves acknowledging another person’s pain from a distance without necessarily sharing their feelings or fully understanding their perspective.


  • Empathy: Empathy goes a step further. It involves not only recognizing someone else’s emotions but also truly understanding and sharing in their feelings and perspective. It’s the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and experience their emotions as if they were your own.


Empathy is impactful because it fosters deeper human connections and promotes emotional support. When people feel understood and validated through empathy, it can alleviate their emotional pain and create a sense of connection and belonging. In contrast, sympathy, while well-intentioned, can sometimes feel distant and may not offer the same level of comfort and support. Empathy encourages genuine compassion and a stronger bond between individuals.

Now that we understand the importance of emotional intelligence, let’s explore the potential consequences of when our emotions are unbalanced and unregulated.



The Impact of Unregulated Emotions and Feelings

When emotions and feelings are left unmanaged and unregulated, they can unfortunately lead to a range of negative consequences, affecting various aspects of your life. 

Here are some potential outcomes of unbalanced emotions and feelings:


Strained Relationships: Uncontrolled anger, jealousy, or resentment can damage your relationships with friends, family, and colleagues. These negative emotions may lead to conflicts, avoidance, and alienation.


Reduced Productivity: In a professional context, unchecked emotions can hinder your ability to concentrate and make rational decisions. This can result in reduced productivity and career setbacks. From a personal perspective, if you don’t have an outlet for regulating your emotions, it could lead you to experiencing stress, anxiety, and depression, which can make you feel less productive and willing to accomplish everyday tasks.



Health Issues: Chronic stress, often triggered by unregulated emotions, is linked to various health problems, including heart disease, high blood pressure, and weakened immune function. Emotional turmoil can also lead to anxiety and depression which have been shown to tax the immune system.


Poor Decision-Making: Emotions can cloud your judgment and lead to impulsive decision-making. This can have far-reaching consequences in both personal and professional life.


Missed Opportunities: Emotional instability can prevent you from seizing opportunities that come your way. Fear, self-doubt, or anxiety may hold you back from pursuing your goals and dreams.


Isolation: People with unregulated emotions may isolate themselves to avoid emotional confrontations or the risk of hurting others. This isolation can lead to loneliness and further exacerbate emotional issues.


Now that we’ve discussed the potential downsides of unregulated emotions, let’s focus on strategies and resources to help you better understand and manage your emotions. No matter where you are with your emotions and feelings journey, there are many accessible tools to help you navigate your path.


Resources to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

Self-Awareness Exercises:

Journaling: Regularly writing down your thoughts and emotions can help you become more aware of your feelings and their triggers.


Meditation: Mindfulness meditation can increase self-awareness by encouraging you to observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment.


Empathy-Building Activities:

Active Listening: Practice active listening when talking to others. Make an effort to understand their perspective and emotions. Active listening is allowing an individual to speak without interruption and then communicating what the other person said without interpretation, to confirm understanding. Non-actively listening involves interruption to be fast to speak your point of view and not understanding what the other person has said.


Volunteer Work: Engaging in volunteer activities can help you develop empathy by exposing you to diverse experiences and emotions.


Emotional Regulation Techniques:


Breathing Exercises: Deep breathing exercises can help you stay calm in stressful situations by regulating your physiological response to stress.


Stress Management Workshops: Attend workshops or courses focused on stress management techniques, such as time management and relaxation techniques.


Conflict Resolution Workshops:

Conflict resolution workshops can teach you effective strategies for resolving conflicts in a constructive manner.


Emotional Intelligence Assessment Tools:

EQ assessments like the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves can provide insights into your emotional intelligence strengths and highlight areas for improvement.


Professional Therapy and Counseling:

Consider seeking the help of a licensed therapist or counselor, especially if you are dealing with complex emotional issues or mental health challenges.

Books and Online Resources:

“Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman is a seminal book on the topic. There are various websites, blogs, and online courses that offer valuable resources and articles on emotional intelligence.


This was a lot of information on learning about and understanding our emotions and feelings, and it will be available to you to come back to in times when you need it.


In summary, managing your emotions, feelings, and understanding emotional intelligence are vital components of personal and professional growth. Emotional intelligence can lead to improved self-awareness, better relationships, effective conflict resolution, reduced stress, and enhanced leadership skills. On the other hand, unregulated emotions can result in strained relationships, reduced productivity, health issues, poor decision-making, missed opportunities, and isolation which we surely don’t want in any aspect of our daily lives especially as we move into the holiday season.

To develop your emotional intelligence, consider incorporating the resources mentioned above, such as self-awareness exercises, empathy-building activities, emotional regulation techniques, conflict resolution workshops, assessment tools, professional therapy, and various books and online resources to help you thrive! By investing in your emotional intelligence, you can pave the way for a more fulfilling and successful life, characterized by healthier relationships, better decision-making, and improved overall wellbeing.


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